Tools for “Real Men”: Better Comprehensive Sexuality Education for Men and Boys

by Ishita Chaudhry, as published by the International Women's Health Coalition on Akimbo

Real men have emotions, too

While doing our training on gender equity with men and boys, an important piece of feedback we get at the YP Foundation is that many men and boys are struggling with the expectation and aspiration of being what is called “a real man”, a stereotyped figure that expresses limited emotions is handsome, strong, muscular, and virile. We noticed an increase in the number of growth hormones and supplement drugs that young men experiment with and access, the pressure to be in sexually active relationships and the lack of understanding of sexual rights. With an approximate 150 boys we’ve engaged as peer educators, we’ve noticed a diametric change at the end of a one-year program.

The key feedback we receive is that the "shame and embarrassment" that they perceived and experienced in being able to "talk about issues of sexuality and bodily integrity and rights" is what’s gone. Boys also discover that the insecurity they experience is something that is a common notion and that they’re not alone. Attitudes that change are ones like the following, from young boys who have gone through the program:

• “Men don’t always have to decide what kind of sex a couple will have. Consent can be sexy and I didn’t realize that before, there’s less pressure for a man too that way.”


• “I used to think that being a mother was a natural instinct for a girl. Now I think a couple should decide together if they want to have children.”


• “Who knew that other boys also got bullied like I did? You always think that the response to feeling insecure is violence, I never knew before this how to use words.”

To make this kind of shift possible, we’ve identified the following elements that must be in place:

• Training adults – teachers, parents and community members on the importance of challenging patriarchy – it’s very important not to isolate young people from their communities but to give them the tools and the language to negotiate these relationships. The guiding principles of the process are inclusiveness, diversity, co-operation and democratic functioning.

• Using diverse mediums of expression and being innovative– theatre, dance and music are three of the most successful ways in which we have communicated. We now have boys leading local campaigns that advocate for women’s rights. It is easier to reach out to boys in communities than it is to single them out in school settings.

• Increasing awareness on HIV and STI prevention and addressing Homophobia and the context and impact of both gender based violence and violence against women – there is a level of critical analysis that needs to be built into dialogues with young boys and men so they can examine the impact of violence in their own lives and the lives of women and girls. The need to eliminate violence needs to be internalized

• Promote youth led work in this area and encourage youth-adult partnerships – excellent programmes like ones run by the Center for Health and Social Justice and Men’s Action for Stopping Violence against Women (MASVAW) was initiated in the year 2002 as a statewide movement in Uttar Pradesh as a campaign with men and boys to promote gender equality, and advocate for equal rights and a violence free world for women.

This series of posts about engaging men and boys in sexual and reproductive rights and health work is based on a speech that Ishita Chaudhry gave at the High Level Meeting on Youth at the United Nations in New York in July 2011.


Photo by Kelley Boone

The many faces of human trafficking

Some things cost more than you realize

The terms “human trafficking” and “sex slavery” have increasingly been used synonymously in the realm of human rights activism, yet forced prostitution is only one way that human beings are trafficked today. This music video by Muse, made for MTV Exit’s awareness raising campaign, accurately depicts the multiple forms of modern slavery through three stories.

All three characters willingly leave their homes for what their families believe are legitimate work contracts in distant locations. This is the reality Lotus Outreach observes every day in the communities where we operate – unable to find jobs close to home, India and Cambodia’s poor eagerly accepted any work they are offered. All too often, this means following labor recruiters to new cities and even countries. Our SMART project on the Cambodia-Thai border distributes contact cards to migrating day laborers so that if they do stumble into such circumstances, they know how to reach out for help.

While trafficked laborers are sometimes detained by force (as shown in the third story) in many cases this isn't even necessary. Once in a foreign land, unable to speak the language, with no idea of where they or how to find help and often having handed over their passports to their employers, these people are unable to leave their circumstances. Having fallen into indentured servitude or bonded labor, they become completely dependent on their “employers” for even the most basic sustenance.



This is what slavery looks like today. Free the Slaves reports that there are 127million people working without pay under the threat of violence today; the average cost of a human being today is $90. Please share this post with your friends and family to raise awareness of this devastating issue, and visit our website to see what we're doing about it!

LO field team update from Cambodia!

By Glenn Fawcett, LO Director of Field Operations

I was moved by the number of young women we have in our care that are determined to complete their tertiary disciplines and continue to make a mark and help develop their society. The passion and commitment of CIST aspirants and DDD employees studying at university continues to inspire great hope for a future Cambodia, where these young women make a deep impact in their chosen professions and as role models for other Khmer youth.

We visited an ethnic Phnong village still pristine as it would have been during the Jayavarman dynasties. Unlike in most cultures, here the men are charged with weaving the baskets for carrying and storing. Their wood-frame homes capped with straw and eaves of woven palm leaves resist even the heaviest monsoon rain and are replaced annually. When the time comes to redo the roof, each family is assisted by the entire village and the work is completed in a day.

I suspect these people were least bothered by the Khmer Rouge, as they were probably seen as the ideal agrarian social unit - mostly illiterate and with little ambition to become sophisticated or urbanized. They continued life in their villages largely without fear during this era of genocide.
Happy to be homeIn Banteay Meanchey, we noted that two SMART referrals were trafficked. One of them ended up on an Indonesian fishing boat where he was trapped for six years until swimming a shore. A Phnom Penh Post article outlined the issue with current cases where half a dozen men swam ashore to escape a cruel captain that shot deckhands for fun. Those that became sick were also thrown overboard rather than bear the cost and effort of treating them.

Local press coverage continues of shady labor recruitments that duplicate what we are telling poor villagers that might innocently send their children into highly suspect and vulnerable situations. Their hopes for high returns often become a nightmare for the children, who have their travel documents confiscated on arrival and suffer sexual harassment and abuse at the hands of employers. A recent report outlined how girls were sent away for domestic workers only to end up locked in a brothel. They managed to escape before too much damage was inflicted, however.

An International Children’s Rights Day was the highlight of my visit to our Integrated Rural Development program in Pursat, where one of our scholarship boys along with another student delivered a fabulous awareness raising program to a small gathering of villagers. It was held at the home of an microloan group member we visited on the previous trip to see her impressive sugar cane plantation.

Later, we found that two girls age 14 and 15 from our GATE scholarship program in Phnom Penh had used forged documents to get work in a garment factory that opened near their school. We are now pursuing village heads who issue forged documents.

The tragedy is that these families are so steadfast in their decision to have their children work. One girl contacted by the program threatened to go to work in far off Kompong Soum’s beachside capital, Sihanoukville, and live with her father if the program tried to stop her from taking a local job. We are sympathetic to these parents and children determined to leave school and work to escape their poverty, and find that it's best to tackle these issues structurally by deterring the practice of forging documents and raising awareness on the issue of child labor.

Asia Foundation video demonstrates much in common with LO

This touching video released by the Asia Foundation closely mirrors the stories of women supported by our GATEways project who have graduated from our Girls' Access to Education program and now need our support to for tertiary education. Moreover, the Asia Foundation's scholarship project is provided through a local organization that we also partner with for our Phnong Education Initiative, Kampuchean Action for Primary Education, further highlighting our overlapping methods and aspirations.

GATEways was created in response to the astonishingly high rate of matriculation by our first GATE graduating class - more than 70 percent of these high school graduates were accepted into universities! This roughly equals the matriculation rate in the US, but because these scholars are from the most adverse communities in one of the poorest nations on earth their accomplishment is nothing short of remarkable. Witnessing their capacity and ambition for higher learning, and knowing that Cambodia desperately needs to replace the intellectual class that was decimated a few decades ago by the Khmer Rouge, we eagerly agreed to unroll a new program to support these young women.

The young women in this video are highly representative of those we sponsor through GATEways. Please listen to their stories, and if you are interested in sponsoring one of our graduates to attend university, you can contact our executive director, Erika Keaveney, for more information at erika@lotusoutreach.org.

Sewing compassion in Cambodia's countryside

Reenacting domestic violence

A travel report by Stefan Habermeier

Rithy is angry. Angry about the daily life in poverty, angry about the low payment as a day laborer in the fields of the neighboring Thailand, and above all, he is angry because - no matter how he makes an effort - nothing can change his situation. One day when his wife asks him for money for new pens for the children, he goes ballistic. Rithy picks up a bottle of homemade liquor – in which he drowned his frustration for months - and strikes. His wife falls to the ground.

This situation, which a youth group in a small village near the Thai border performs in a play, occurs regularly across Cambodia. Whether physical violence or sexual abuse, violations against women and girls are manifold. Once a victim, there is hardly a way to get back to a normal life, especially if you believe this Cambodian saying: Women are like a piece of white cloth: once stained always stained.

About 40 percent of the country's female population are affected by violence against women. Look to Cambodia’s recent history for answers: The reign of terror of the Khmer Rouge not only destroyed infrastructure but also the entire economic, health and education system. Even 20 years after the signing of peace treaties, the majority of Cambodian women, especially in rural areas, still have no access to these vital resources. The subsequent lack of financial resources and a low self-esteem makes them vulnerable to violence, exploitation and abuse.

To learn more, this May I visited the Cambodian Women's Crisis Center (CWCC), an NGO which aims to reduce violence against women and a long-time partner of Lotus Outreach International. Abused women and girls get sustainable long-term protection in shelters, as well as psychological and legal counseling, and medical assistance. The overall goal is the successful reintegration of victims back into the community through vocational qualification, basic business skills and financial support. From 2005 to 2009, the organization has helped approximately 6,000 women and girls.

Cambodian women

I am delighted to report that the safe shelter and the reintegration of clients back into society are running very well. Thanks to financial support (by Lotus Outreach International, the German Georg Kraus Foundation and Terre des Hommes Netherlands) these measures have become an outstanding component in the vast landscape of aid and development projects in Cambodia.

To whom I ever talked, the affected people in Cambodia are eternally grateful for the work of the Cambodian Women´s Crisis Center, the international sponsors and the commitment of the various foundation ambassadors. This can be recognized at the smiles on their faces and above all on their eyes shining with happiness. A sign of true happiness - from deep in their hearts.